Gratification

I hate to admit it, but I'm definitely part of the generation that likes instant gratification; I blame it all on technology. I know that hard work pays off and it takes time, but it is easier to see that in certain things, like teaching or school work in college. For some reason, I am having a really hard time applying the whole "takes time" concept to working out and eating healthy.

I've always been bigger than everyone else. I remember hitting 100 pounds in elementary school and being so sad. I vividly remember a day in middle school where we had to do some experiment that involved us weighing ourselves. I was terrified and did everything I could to avoid the situation, which included faking sick that day. I've never been the biggest girl, but I have always been bigger than my friends and unhappy with the way I looked and felt, but there was always some excuse and no matter how hard I tried, I always fell back into my old routine.

I think sometimes I convince myself that things just aren't going to change and I'm still not going to be that pretty skinny girl so why bother putting in the work. Or maybe sometimes I'm just not ready to give up certain things and put in the work. Loosing weight and living a healthier life is a lot of work and when I don't have anyone there to do it with me, I give up quickly. Both my mom and my sister are tiny, always have been (my sister was a size 00 for the longest time), so they never had to worry about it like I did. Then I went to college and swam competitively, loosing weight and going on a diet isn't exactly the smartest choice when you're training 3 hours a day in season.

Any who.... to try and avoid a whining situation, I need to find my motivation. There has to be someway for me to keep going on this track alone. It's not going to happen overnight and I am not going to loose 30 pounds in a week. It's going to take a while, it might take a long while, but I've never seen myself as skinny and can't remember the last time I was under 160, so I convince myself that it's never going to happen.

I need to find a friend or an accountability partner that can help me stay on track. I really don't think I can go through this alone.